Writer’s block and shady baristas


What’s up with writer’s block? I don’t believe in it. That’s something that happens in the movies. If I can’t think of anything to write, maybe that’s cause I’m trying to impress myself–or someone else. Maybe writer’s block should be changed to: insecure about writing. And I’m not trying to come off as a pompous piece of dick, but how could you run out of thoughts in your mind? Doesn’t that always get the engine running?

That’d be like me trying to turn my car on and the dashboard showing a light that says: No motivation.

Maybe it’s cause people feel the need to “write well.” I never enjoy “good writing.” I enjoy honesty. The idea that a story has to have a beginning, a middle and an end to be entertaining is a myth. The beginning is wherever you start, and the middle is what happens before you finish typing. The End is a song by The Doors.

Hasan Minhaj made me laugh once during his hour-long comedy, yet sad Netflix comedy not-so-funny stand-up special (I swear I was ready to cry and jump off a bridge by the end of that shit), anyway, he did say something–and actually this wasn’t very funny–but what I’m talkin about right now made me think of it. To paraphrase, he said something like: watchin an M. Night Shyamalan movie is like ninety minutes of hype with no payoff.

So, I suppose that’s what people mean if they have writer’s block: they can’t think of something that’ll serve the story that they already started, or they can’t think of how to begin. And there’s this fear that if you don’t have a strong intro that leads to a fulfilling ending, that it’ll leave a distasteful tast in the audience’s mouth. But I happen to think the reason The Village sucked was not cause there was no payoff, it’s cause it sucked from the point zero.

Before Sunrise (the Richard Linklater movie with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy)  has no real payoff, but I love that shit. Catcher in the Rye is my favorite book and there’s hardly even a plot line. It’s a great fuckin book. In fact, it’s probably where I drew the most inspiration when I was writing my book (The Drifter Chronicles), which you should buy. There’s a link at the bottom of the page. It’s about how I ended up at America’s most notorious “therapeutic boarding” school, what it was like before it was shut down, how I escaped, and the tale of my runaway.

Anyway, back to writer’s block… why not just type something that you’re thinking of and see where it leads? Doesn’t have to be prolific with a well-rounded storyline, it can be, but doesn’t have to be. Why am I all bent outa shape about writer’s block? I woke up cranky I guess. My girlfriend was out of coffee so I had to come to this damn overpriced cafe that always asks me:

“For here? Or to go?”

But here’s the thing about that question: the to go cups are bigger than the for here glasses. So what they are really asking me is:

“Would you like less coffee for your money? Or more coffee for your money? Good deal? or shitty deal for you this morning Mr. Cayea?”

Why don’t they fix that shit, am I right?

The moral of this story is (to round this bitch out with a strong ending): Don’t use plot lines if it’ll fuck up your writing session and never settle for the shitty coffee deal the barista is slanging from behind the counter.

About the author


I'm a high school dropout who escaped reform school when I was sixteen and hitchhiked the country as a homeless teen till I finally made sense of the world. I now work as a travel writer, marketer, publicist, I published a book and broke the guinness world record for longest road trip. I've done some other crazy shit too. But I'm still alive and seven years sober. Enjoy my insanity...

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