Thoughts running through my head during meditation


It’s really hard to meditate when you remember that you forgot to set the coffee pot timer. I wake up at 8AM and the coffeemaker starts brewing at 7:45AM, but man, that almost wasn’t the case. Just as I sat down in half-lotus position somewhere around 12:40AM and the British dude from Headspace told me to get comfortable and not think about anything and I wiggled my ass to a pleasant position… I remembered:

The damn coffee timer isn’t set.

How do I meditate now? Don’t think about that shit at this very second, it’s useless. But what if I forget? What if after this meditation I forget that I had this thought and I get in bed and write my goals down and read my book and fall asleep and wake up to no coffee? That would be really bad. How will I wake myself up? I need to make sure I have coffee. Fuck.

Okay, stop thinking.

Ground myself. Body scan. Deep breath–not too deep. You’re breathing too deep. Why am I doing this? Who is this meditation for? What’s the “why” behind this moment? Did I wish my cousin a happy birthday? Is it even his birthday? Isn’t it in March? What’s the date today, the tenth? Eleventh? How do people remember all the important birthdays? There are so many. Mom, dad, brother, girlfriend, cousins, friends. What if I forget to check tomorrow morning? I should write this down right away. I should stretch every night too, like that one guy I heard on Rogan. Every night. I’ll buy a rug. Maybe I should move my living room table to another part of the apartment and do my stretches there.

Thinking, I’m thinking. Stop. Back to the breath. Feel your body. Let it tingle. Breathe. Back straight. Someone is pulling my string. I am rising. My vertebra is straightening. I am growing in height. In, out. 1, 2. 1, 2. In, out. Fuck, I forgot to bring water into my room. I have no water. I’m going to get in bed, get all comfortable, then realize I need to get up and fill up my glass of water. You know what I need? A water dispenser in here. I should buy a water jug. Not only that, I should buy a special cup just for nighttime water. Maybe I can just use a water bottle.

Should I get a mini fridge? No, that’s silly. That’ll use too much electricity. Do fridges actually use a lot of electricity? Well, where would I put it anyway? Under the plant table? No, it won’t fit there. I can put the jug of water under the plant table though, that’ll fit. I can buy a lot of water bottles too, but I’m not about to waste all that plastic. That’d be selfish.

Thinking. I’m thinking. Back to the breath. In, out. 1, 2.

And so my meditation went last night…

About the author


I'm a high school dropout who escaped reform school when I was sixteen and hitchhiked the country as a homeless teen till I finally made sense of the world. I now work as a travel writer, marketer, publicist, I published a book and broke the guinness world record for longest road trip. I've done some other crazy shit too. But I'm still alive and seven years sober. Enjoy my insanity...

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