Media databases


I created an online course full of twenty or so videos that show you how to pitch the press and get media write-ups. The only thing is, once you know how to do that, you’re going to need some kind of media database. So, I called up the media database software that I use (and have for 8 years) and said:

“Hey, lemme get an affiliate commission for any customers I send you.”


I was like what? You think I’m gonna send you customers without a cut? You charge like ten grand a year! The math made me even madder…

My course is $1,997. Their software is $10,000. If I sent them 100 customers, I would make $199,700 and they would make $1,000,000 for not doing anything other than creating an overpriced database twenty years ago? They won’t even give me a dime? Yeah fucking right. So, I called the other companies–their competitors–and offered them the same deal:

“I make you my exclusive recommendation, you give me 50%.”

They also said no.

Well, I thought… why don’t I hire the people I need to just create my own damn database and sell it for half the price? Do they really think a media database is worth $10,000 per year? The only reason they’re able to sell it at that price is because they have no competitors.

Okay, so how do I get in the market? Well, I asked my assistant to research all the people it’ll take to build out a media database software company. Now I’m putting together a team to build it and I think I’m doing it just cause I hate the current companies’ greed. I was thinking before I wrote this–like a minute ago–what if my representative reads this? Should I censor my thoughts? What if they drop me as a client?

Then I thought: ehh. Fuck it. Life’s too short to not call people greedy fucks when they’re being greedy fucks.

The moral of this story is: Uh… there is none.

About the author


I'm a high school dropout who escaped reform school when I was sixteen and hitchhiked the country as a homeless teen till I finally made sense of the world. I now work as a travel writer, marketer, publicist, I published a book and broke the guinness world record for longest road trip. I've done some other crazy shit too. But I'm still alive and seven years sober. Enjoy my insanity...

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