Instagram has evolved into arrogant soft-core porn

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Instagram is this place on the internet where only the fittest avatars survive; Corny comments produced with the sole purpose to lend an excuse as to why you’re posting another photo of yourself staring off into the interesting distance because you’re wearing an outfit the world must see.

I imagine internal mind-fuck when I see a selfie with a caption that runs perpendicular to the actual photo. Like an image of some chick flexin her ass in the gym locker room then commenting on the fact that it’s Wednesday. It’s probably something like…

Damn, I look good right now. What do I do?

Live the rest of the day in the same fashion as any other day would be lived?

No no no, I mean, I look good.

Okay fine. You do you look good. Just… I don’t know. Turn to the left, arm down, eyebrows up, ass fat, lips tight–but loose–and act like it’s totally no big deal. Oh! And it’s Wednesday! Just ask everyone how their Wednesday is! People will love it and nobody will see through it. Perfect disguise.

or maybe it’s something like…

My makeup is on point. People can’t not see this. Just ask that guy over there to take your photo while you pretend to look at the sky then caption it with something about birds. That’ll be perfect. You’ll be hot and a bird-lover. That’ll actually add to your brand. Hot and compassionate. Do it. Maybe NatGeo will pay me to stay at a bird safari.

Or maybe… Bro. Lats are ripped. Fuck is the point in lats if nobody sees this shit? Yo, flex that shit and comment that you made massive gains this week. Lift that shirt up and get the V. Make sure the V is in the picture. Bitches love that shit.

I’m pretty sure this conversation happens every millisecond of every day, and that’s how Instagram has evolved into arrogant soft-core porn.

About the author

Greg
Greg

I'm a high school dropout who escaped reform school when I was sixteen and hitchhiked the country as a homeless teen till I finally made sense of the world. I now work as a travel writer, marketer, publicist, I published a book and broke the guinness world record for longest road trip. I've done some other crazy shit too. But I'm still alive and seven years sober. Enjoy my insanity...

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